I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
