Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
nutella sex= disaster
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
