wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
