Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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