and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
