I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
