Your favorite bartender is back from prision
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
