Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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