Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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