I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize