the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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