Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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