Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
