i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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