Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
