You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
