I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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