Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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