This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
