Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
