I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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