I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize