I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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