Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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