I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
