I CAN MOONWALK!
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
