you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
