Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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