Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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