Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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