3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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