thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
