My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
