my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
A+ Viking dick
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