giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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