her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
