I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
