So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
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He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
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The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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