New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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