Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I am spending my child support on dildos
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
