Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
