Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
