I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
