Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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