She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
