My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
