just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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