I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
