FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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