I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
