Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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