Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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