So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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