I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
