handjob tips. give me some.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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