dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
