So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
