I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
