Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
