You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
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we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
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let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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