Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
