Yo dont text me then not text me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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