pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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