Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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