I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize